Showing posts with label white blood cells. Show all posts
Showing posts with label white blood cells. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SEE THEM, DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE NOT OUT TO GET YOU


I've always been a bit of a mysophobe. I fear germs. I see them everywhere; like that kid who sees dead people. It's become worse. I no longer go to movie theaters because I know the person behind me is host to Influenzavirus A through C. If I have to use a public bathroom I do it Madonna style. I wash my hands with OCD frequency. 

Having Chemo takes your phobia to a pathological new level. Your immune system is low. You can't fight germs. You can barely insult them. Your little, white blood warriors have met their Waterloo. And so you have to avoid germs like The Plague. Literally. 

The days following my first Chemo infusion I steered clear of all public places. To me restaurants became Bird Flu hubs; Supermarkets were cesspools of Pulmonary Tuberculosis. Even my kids scared the hell out of me. Because let's face it, kids aren't the most hygienic of people. And, even if you could bathe your kids in sanitizer, you know their friends are still having a jolly good nose pick and then playing clapping games with yours. 

Of course you can't put yourself into a plastic bubble. Although, I did buy those face masks you saw on TV during the H1N1 lets-have-fun-with-the-phobic crisis. Sooner or later you have to venture out. Lucky for me there's that Neulasta shot. It actually elevated my white blood count. So now I have more than I need. Way more. There's a partaay in my body and the white blood cells have invited their whole disease-brawling posse. It's like the Jersey Shore in there, a fight a minute. And I'm all for it. I can go out. I can eat food prepared by someone who may or may not be wearing gloves. I can pump gas. I can handle money. Best of all I can kiss my kids and husband good night. 

Unfortunately white blood cells have a short life-cycle. A partying lifestyle will do that to one. So I'm taking advantage of my Superwoman powers while I still have them. And no evil, viral, fungal or bacterial pathogen is going to take that away from me.  

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I'D RATHER BE WATERBOARDED

It's been 5 days since I had my first Chemo infusion. It has not been pretty. Mostly I'm exhausted. I'm really too tired to be typing this. I'm taking long breaks between each sentence for some water and a pep talk from my coach. Then back into the ring, 3 words, Gatorade, rest. 

I have many side effects. But, I shall spare you the long list and cut to the gross bits. Blatant sensationalism I know, but a gal's got to lure her audience in somehow. And, since there is absolutely zero sex happening now, I'm going for blood, violence and pain. 

Eew factor numero uno:

I have blisters in and around my nose. All over. My nose is a dot-to-dot abscess puzzle. Connect them all and you'll have a cankerous, white-headed Miro. If I have to blow my nose, it gets Tarantino bloody. Chemo literally punches you in the face. 

Eew de 2 (Coming soon to a perfume counter near you.) 

My entire neck and chest area is covered in a throbbing, itchy, red rash. It works much as America does. The areas that are blue are calm. But the red spots are unbelievably irritating and menacing. And, they won't go away. I've tried appeasing them by buttering them up with soothing lotion and promising it'll get better this time around. But they don't believe me. They're swollen, angry, demanding all my attention and insisting the other 47% of my body should not share the cream. It's a hard itch to scratch. 

Eew 3 

This one's really for Adam Sandler fans. POOP. If you're not laughing hysterically and making fart noises with your armpit, this Blog has ended for you. Thanks for reading. For the rest of you, and my nephew, I shall continue. I had not pooped in 5 days. Yesterday was my first one. And it was a tiny, pathetic, Cadbury's Whisper of a poop. No, Dr Freud, I am not holding onto my poop like gold. I've long since gotten over those issues. I would simply love a relaxing, free-flowing, zero-pushing guano. Isn't that what everyone wants? 

I'm tiring fast. It's time for a quick nap before my Neulasta (medicine to stimulate healthy, white blood cells and fight infection) starts drilling at my bones with a pneumatic jackhammer. Can't wait to see what next week brings.